Geeks, nerds, ladies, gentlemen, and those on the fence (yes Chaz Bono, you’re welcome too), I’d like to personally introduce you to the geekiest thing to hit bloggery since the original Star Wars Kid made swinging a light saber into legitimate theater and set the stage for America’s Biggest Loser: Jedi Edition. Welcome to Geek Outlaw.
The Force (and gravity) are strong with this one.
Now before you wander off to check your other 4,079 bookmarked websites that all provide you with relevant and up-to-date details on why George Lucas added CGI characters to his Fruit-of-the-loom tighty whiteys, let me at least attempt to sell you on what sets this blog apart from the rest.
Geek Outlaw is a blog with a twist… a sort of old west meets sci-fi technology genre. Of course some of you may argue this has been done before in such works as Indiana Jones, Back to the Future 3, Brisco County Jr., Firefly Serenity, Wild Wild West and Cowboys & Aliens among countless other valid examples listed at the official Science Fiction Western Wiki page. To those select few I say, ‘shut up’.
In the weeks to come, a vast array of all (not JUST western) sci-fi- and technology-related topics will be covered, including but not limited to: movies, TV, literature (which is a fancy word for books, comics and anything else with words in it), women, music, video games, gadgets, women, computers, smartphones, aliens, alien women, people that might be aliens, aliens we wish were real women, women whom think we are aliens, and the importance of leaving the toilet seat down.
Since I’m also comfortable with my sexuality – as far as admitting there are indeed men out there, believe it or not, that are better looking than myself – I will also cover hard-hitting topics for women such as whose superhero abs would women choose to eat their lunch off of if given the opportunity. Of course there will also be more down-to-earth topics like whose illegitimate alien babies would nerd girls be willing to birth just to have the chance to jump in the sack with the interstellar father once. While the theme may be somewhat familiar (but still rarely used), I can promise an entirely different experience than most other websites you visit on a bi-hourly basis.
As many might know, being a nerd or geek on the internet these days is not for the faint of heart. I will not argue that getting caught up in the intricacies of our favorite superheroes played by supermodels (whom don’t actually need the anatomically correct suits) and the gadgets we buy – that work properly for roughly three minutes before the next version is released – is what makes us who we are. However, even we need a break from debating the cataclysmic effects of choosing a Starfleet captain based on his possible need for a daily regimen of Rogaine.
That is where Geek Outlaw comes in and self-depreciating humor enters the equation. It’s a place where we can all take a step back, relax, and laugh at ourselves (although mainly myself) every once in a while. My sci-fi dream is to have a site full of Geek Outlaw posse, just kicking back while pointing fingers and laughing at each other (again, mainly me) after an intense real world discussion on exactly how many testosterone-infused crew members offered to squeeze Scarlett Johansson into her Avengers suit.
For those not interested in these types of provocative posts, I will be buying you off. Yes, you read that right! Every month you will all compete for my affection – but mainly a prize – that I will announce at the beginning of the contest. Don’t get too excited since this is a blog on a budget – which if money were temperature, puts the blog bankroll at the equivalent of 32 degrees Fahrenheit… before being converted to Celsius. (Some science fun for the super-geeks) Taking that into account, there will be some unique items given away from my own geeky collection along with some rare items I happen to find (on sale) at any of the fine retailers around town. Random side note, I have a strange and often unhealthy obsession with the number 32.
Some of you may have curiously wandered over here because a very ‘Hot Nerd Girl’ bribed you with promises of more sexy outfits (that she will wear, not me) should you come over to give this new geek a chance. Believe it or not, she is a very good friend of mine and I would not be lying if I said she was the main inspiration for this blog. So if you all promise to stick with me by subscribing via e-mail and liking my Face site thingy, I will promise to use my friendly male testosterone-based influence to get HNG into more revealing photo shoots. (Lucky for me, she’ll never read this thing!)
Last but not least, just think of this as a place to “Geek Out.” And no, I didn’t realize that term was literally part of the “Geek Outlaw” title until a local ‘pun-slinger’ (her pun, not mine) brought it to my attention roughly three months after deciding on it. Apparently, obliviousness is a male-specific super power still in my arsenal. I’m convinced I would have realized it eventually… most likely pointed out by my future grand kids whom will laugh at me for being forced to use such archaic technology like iPads… Pfffft, little bastards!
So there you have it my outlaws in waiting. This marks the end of my online dating column, the beginning of Geek Outlaw, and the end to my dating life as we know it. As many would say, ‘full circle’. With that, the virtual yellow ribbon has been deleted and Geek Outlaw country has officially been terra-formed and founded. So pull up a stool at your local watering hole (or your room is fine), grab a shot of whiskey – or ANYTHING stronger than vitamin water – and join the posse.
ADDED BONUS! If you really have nothing better to do and want to learn a little bit more about myself, check out “About the Outlaw” for a little more insight on what to expect from this ‘geek without a cause’. Honestly, I don’t have one…
As one Samuel L. Jackson so graciously put it in that little-known Spielberg flick co-starring Newman from Seinfeld… …because it’s going to be a Wild ride.